​Are You A Friend or Whānau of A Survivor?

For a survivor of sexual violence, the way their whānau and friends react to their experience may influence how they recover. Some people may blame the survivor for what has happened.

The survivor can be sensitive to other people’s reactions and the survivor may not tell anyone of their experience, fearing the possible consequences of their reactions.

REMEMBER: The survivor is not to blame.

A survivor may feel powerless, guilty, shameful, fearful, angry, sad or depressed. They may blame themselves at times. These reactions are common.

Everyone is different and copes with trauma differently. There is no ‘one way’ to feel. There is also no time limit on a survivor's healing process.

​Any of these reactions may occur months or even years following an experience of sexual violence. A healing process is not linear. It is important that the survivor knows that you love, support and care for them.

Do Not:

• Urge or force the survivor to go to the Police. This decision is for the survivor to make when/if they are ready
• Question the survivor about their experience. This could feel invalidating
• Urge the survivor to forget about or hide the experience
• Blame the survivor. It is never the survivor's fault
• Express the want to cause harm to the perpetrator. It will not help the survivor’s recovery process.

Do:

• Show your support, care and affection. There are many ways to do this; however, touch may not be most appropriate
• Allow the survivor to regain control over their life and make their own decisions
• Treat them no differently than before. Continue to live the way you always have, providing stability and security
• Be willing to listen if they want to talk. Do not force them to talk if they do not want to. They may feel more comfortable talking to someone else just now. That is okay too.

​
The most important things to do are LISTEN, BELIEVE and SUPPORT.

If someone you know and are close to, such as a whānau member or friend, has experienced sexual violence, it is common to feel disbelief, guilt, helplessness and anger. You may want to talk to someone about your feelings and how you can best help.

X Slider Background Settings

• 
  I may be changed by what happened to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.

• 
  You are a survivor setting the world on fire with your truth. And you never know who needs your light, your warmth, and raging courage. ​

​How To Support A
Friend Who Has Been
​Sexually Assaulted

Things Not To Say To A Survivor of Sexual Assault

How To Talk To Friends Who Survived Sexual Assault

How To Help A Friend Who Has Been Sexually Assaulted

​What To Say To A Survivor of Child Sex Abuse

​When A Friend Tells You They Were Sexually Abused

Location:

Address:

Floor 3 Departmental Building,
35 Chapel Street 
​Masterton 5810
P O Box 551 Masterton

Contact Us:

​0800 614 614 (24 hours)
06 370 8446
coordinator@wairarapa-rapecrisis.org.nz
Office hours are: 8.30 AM - 2.30 PM: Monday - Friday (by appointment)